In Defense of Taking Your Time: What Growing Up Actually Looks Like

I said those dreaded words the other day, “OMG I haven’t seen you since you were little.” I prefaced the cringe with how much I used to hate when people would say that to me — as if that lessened the sting.

My sarcastic 15-year-old brain would say back, “I haven’t seen you since ever.” Which my 32-year-old brain imagined these kids were saying back to me as the words exited my mouth.

But, I really do get it now, and I hate how much I’ll get it later. You realize how much time has passed not by your age, but by watching babies grow into adults.

Kids that used to sit on my lap as a teenager, baby cousins, church auntie’s kids are all graduating from high school this year, while I’m getting Facebook notifications that say my high school prom was “Today 14 years ago.” 😳

14 years ago feels like YESTERDAY to me, a 30’s, mastered, divorced, two kid mom, with a full time job and two businesses.

You know who 14 years ago doesn’t feel like yesterday to?

An 18-year-old.

They might have memories going back to 4, but it certainly doesn’t feel like the memories that count time.

So, I’m looking at all my babies getting so, so big, and I want to tell them, scream at them, some of the other words I didn’t listen to 😉…

I know you’re in a rush to grow up, get out of your parents’ house, make your own money, do whatever you want whenever you want, and that is THE most understood feeling ever, but let me warn you…

Take your time. THESE are the years that count. The ones you’ll remember forever. These are the years when your best memories are formed. Your closest friendships are formed and solidified. Your view of the world is tested and shaped and recreated and reclaimed.

Do not be tempted to rush to the next phase without enjoying this one.

I mean second by second, breathe the breath you have and embrace the moments in front of you. From as practical to actually paying attention in class to as difficult to actually listening and responding to the person trying to talk to you without looking at your phone.

There will be a lot of micro moments in between major ones. There will be a lot of thinking, processing, watching, observing, taking note, and using that information to make decisions — make good decisions.

Good decisions are not perfect ones. Some won’t please everyone. Some you won’t always stick with. But make good decisions rooted in what matters to you — what you value, what you’re learning, who you’re becoming.

Because every decision does influence who you become. Every single one. Every class. Every interaction. Every job. Every friend. Every party. Every meal.

And I don’t say that to paralyze you, I say it to inform you, influence you, encourage you to be intentional with your time as you’re growing up.

Because here’s the thing no one tells you about growing up: it doesn’t all happen at once. One day you’ll wake up in an apartment you pay for, scrolling through your own calendar, picking what to eat for dinner, and you’ll realize… wow. I really did grow up.

Then another day you’ll wake up with children to care for, a house to keep in order, scheduling plans 3 months in advance to get synced with friends, going to weddings, going to funerals, talking to financial advisors, thinking about bills and investments and saving and legacy, planning vacations on your own, thinking about if you should switch your job or pivot your career — wondering if you picked the right thing in college. And you’ll realize…wow. I really didn’t think this time would get here so fast.

That’s being grown, that we all rush to, but growing up happens in the pauses. In the heartbreaks and the friendships that last through them. In the changing tastes, the things you once believed, and the ones you now question. In the boring classes, the bad jobs, the inside jokes, the group chats, and the regrettable romances.

Don’t rush that. Well, yes, rush the regrettable romances, just skip those…please. 🤣

Seriously, there is no gold star for growing up faster. No prize for skipping the awkward phases. No bonus points for knowing all the answers at 17. The goal isn’t speed; it’s depth. And you can only get that by living, not just advancing.

So here’s my defense of taking your time: it makes life richer.

It’s in taking your time that you learn what you like — not what people told you to like.
It’s in taking your time that you discover how resilient you are.
It’s in taking your time that you become someone you actually want to be.

The world will try to rush you.
It will glorify hustle.
It will applaud the people who “made it” by 25.
It will convince you that if you’re not ahead, you’re behind.

But the people who age well — spiritually, emotionally, relationally — are the ones who gave themselves space. To ask questions. To mess up. To pivot. To grow roots. To walk, not sprint. This is not a race, no matter what they tell you.

Take your time.
Take it seriously.
Take it kindly.
Take it with joy in all the moments.
And take it back, if someone tries to steal it.

Because it’s yours. And you only get it once.