Ever After: A Poem About What Comes After the Happily

Ever after
what ever after?
ever after what?

the prompt for the day was “ever after”
not “happily ever after”
which was the plot twist I needed

because what is happy

and what is after

and now that I’m thinking on it
what the hell is “ever”

we’re nixing the happily

ever — at any time
or
at all times; always

after — in the time following

that was just the introduction

___

ever after
at any time in the time following,
right now

find me

F — full
I — invigorated
N — novel
D — delicate

M — magnetic
E — encouraged

at any time in the time before right now

you would have found me
consumed with my performance, perfectionism, the opinions of people
burdened by the load of success, accomplishment, recognition
giving to a world that will never find me if I don’t find myself

at any time, in this time right now
I am turning my head down
and watching my steps as they move to whatever the task is

right now
I am refusing to look ahead and I am rejecting looking back
because I’m learning second by second that none of it matters

right now
I am remembering that I am not as good as the things I do
I am as good as the person I am
I am better than what I believe about myself
I am best when I am remembering that I am the best God made me

and at any time in time at all times
he is the only ever after that fills me
I am desperate to believe the words I’ve written here

but I’m most proud that I saw the prompt “ever after” and did not fall into the pressure I felt to write about the happily or not happily

because

whether happily or not happily
or the both that is life sometimes

ever after is still my decision to make
my path to choose
my hope to lean on

that at all times in the time following

I can always find me again

so, an ode to my ever, my always, myself

hey girl, it’s good to see you again.
cheers to seeing you again
at at all times in the time following
may you never focus so much on a happily that’s tied to performance, perfection or any person again

all you need is to know that at all times in the time following
you are full
you are invigorated
you are novel
you are delicate
you are magnetic
you are encouraged

and in the times when you don’t feel those things, you still are
when you need rest, you still are
when you need a break, you still are
when you are maxed, you still are

if the happily you’ve imagined never comes
it already has
at all times in the time following
you are

I am

Because

YOU are, God is

AFTER EVER

30 days of poetry series