The Sin of Convenient Amnesia: What the Israelites Taught Me About Trusting God
Just going to add this alternative title here too because it was tough to choose…
When Shackles Feel Like Safety: How The Israelites Showed Me Myself (My God!)
I was not rushing to read the book of Numbers. It’s hard to read, and this is from someone who doesn’t love to read anyway. Truth be told, I can’t really tell you what it was about before I got to this part.
But this part got to me…
I struggle with trust TOO ISRAELITES. Yikesssss. I convince myself I’m self-sufficient. I think I can handle things on my own. And at my worst, I let my pride convince me that my way is better than God’s.
These people is just like me…
After being miraculously freed from Egypt, they stood at the edge of the Promised Land — the place God Himself had prepared for them. But instead of trusting His word, they trusted their fears.
When twelve spies returned from scouting the land (Numbers 13), ten of them came back with a bad report. They exaggerated the dangers, saying the land “devours its inhabitants” and that they felt like grasshoppers compared to the giants living there. But two men, Joshua and Caleb, saw things differently. They knew the land was good because God had already declared it so.
The people had a choice: Would they trust God’s promise or their own perspective?
They chose fear.
Instead of remembering the Red Sea splitting in half, the manna from heaven, or the countless ways God had protected them, they panicked. They accused God of bringing them this far just to destroy them. They cried out to go back to Egypt — back to slavery — because, somehow, that felt safer than the unknown of trusting God.
So in return for their doubt, God gave them: Forty years of wandering.
Everyone from that fearful generation, except Joshua and Caleb, would die in the wilderness. They would never set foot in the land flowing with milk and honey. Not because God failed them, but because they failed to trust Him.
The Sin of Forgetfulness
I read this and thought, How could they be so blind? But then, I felt the conviction creep in:
“How many times has God come through for you, and yet you still hesitate to trust Him?”
I do this more than I’d like to admit. I forget the doors He’s opened, the prayers He’s answered, the ways He’s carried me, my children, my family, and my friends. Instead of standing firm in His promises, I question if I should take matters into my own hands. My pride tells me I know best, and my fear tells me I’m safer relying on myself.
But Numbers reminds me: Fear leads to wandering. Faith leads to promise.
Wrestling Is Human, But Trust Is a Discipline
The Israelites weren’t the first (or last) to wrestle with God.
I don’t think it’s wrong to wrestle or to have moments of doubt.
The Psalms are full of prayers where David cried out in confusion. Job questioned his suffering. Even Jesus, in His humanity, asked if the cup of suffering could pass from Him.
Jacob literally wrestled with God. And these poor people were named after him. All night long, he struggled, refusing to let go until he received a blessing (Genesis 32:22–32). And God met him in that moment, renaming him Israel — one who struggles with God. That wrestling changed Jacob. He left with a limp but also with a blessing and a new identity.
Jacob wrestled toward God, not away from Him.
The Israelites weren’t just doubting words — they were doubting God’s miracles that they had witnessed with their own eyes:
They saw every plague fall on Egypt — water turned to blood, frogs, gnats, flies, livestock disease, boils, hail, locusts, darkness, and the death of the firstborn (Exodus 7–12).
They walked through the Red Sea on dry ground (Exodus 14).
They drank water from a rock in the desert (Exodus 17).
They ate manna from heaven every day (Exodus 16).
They saw God’s presence in a pillar of fire and a cloud guiding them (Exodus 13:21–22).
And still, they doubted.
And again, before judging,I have to ask myself: How often have I seen God move and still hesitated to trust Him?
Numbers teaches me that trusting God is a discipline. It’s a choice to remember His faithfulness, to silence the voice of fear, and to believe that He sees the bigger picture even when I don’t.
The Gospel in Numbers: Why Was God So Harsh?
At first glance, the punishment in Numbers seems extreme — forty years of wandering and an entire generation cut off from the promise. But this wasn’t about God being cruel.
God is holy, and He cannot ignore unbelief and disobedience. The Israelites had every reason to trust Him. He had proved Himself over and over again, yet they still chose fear. And because of that, He gave them what they wanted: they didn’t want the Promised Land, so they didn’t get it.
But this is where the gospel changes everything.
Jesus fixed what the Israelites got wrong.
Where they doubted God’s provision, Jesus trusted God completely (Matthew 4:1–11).
Where they feared giants, Jesus faced death itself and overcame it (1 Corinthians 15:55–57).
Where they wandered, Jesus became the way (John 14:6).
Because of Jesus, we don’t have to be cut off from the promise. He took the punishment for our unbelief. We don’t have to wander aimlessly in our sin — we have a path, a guide, and a Savior.
When I think about my own tendencies to doubt, I remember that Jesus already secured my future. He didn’t bring me this far to leave me. He didn’t call me out of bondage so I could long for the past. He’s leading me to something greater — but I have to trust Him enough to follow.
So here’s my prayer today:
“Lord, help me to remember. Help me to trust. You see the beginning and the end, and You have never failed me. Make me bold enough to believe that what You’ve promised, You will bring to pass.”
No more wandering in circles. It’s time to move forward.
This reflection is part of my journey reading through the entire Bible this year with The Bible Recap. I’ll be sharing the moments, stories, and verses that stopped me in my tracks from each book. Some books I dreaded (looking at you, Leviticus), some surprised me (hey Job!), and others were just a little more than I expected. If you’ve ever felt intimidated by the Bible or struggled to connect with certain parts of it, I hope these honest reflections might help you find your own unexpected connections. Stay tuned for more installments as I continue this journey page by page, wrestling with ancient words that somehow still speak directly to my modern struggles. Follow me on Threads for very unserious Bible insights there too!
