A Loud Letter to the Quiet Keep-the-Peacers: On Learning to Defend Yourself
I’ve always been the defender. When my friends needed someone to stand up for them, I was there, ready to speak up. When my family needed clarity or correction, I didn’t hesitate to say what I thought needed to be said. I could lay down boundaries for others, help them level up, or protect them from whatever or whoever threatened their peace. But when it came to me — my feelings, my boundaries — I often found myself choosing silence.
I chose to keep the peace.
If you’re anything like me, a “keep-the-peacer,” it’s not that you don’t know how to be assertive; it’s that your sense of harmony often feels more important than your personal pain. You weigh the consequences of speaking your truth and feel the weight of the tension it might cause. So, you swallow your words. You let the comments slide. You hold onto the hurt, thinking that this small sacrifice might save the bigger picture.
But there’s another layer to this for me. I’m a writer, someone who knows the power of words, someone who has wielded my pen to shape narratives, articulate ideas, and create stories. Yet, in all that time, I’ve often been reluctant to wield my own voice. I’ve hidden behind the written word, claiming that speaking isn’t my strength. I’ve even told myself I’m a bad presenter — despite the fact that every time I share, talk, or tell a story, I’m met with praise.
It’s an internal dichotomy, this conflict between what I believe about my voice and the reality of how powerful it actually is. And this dichotomy is something I’m learning to resolve by choosing to speak up, by using my voice in all areas of my life — whether it’s in personal relationships or in the professional world where I lead strategy sessions. I’ve come to realize that when I talk people through their ideas, helping them make sense of the noise and find clarity, I’m tapping into a part of myself that I’ve long underestimated.
Finding my voice is fixing this split between who I thought I was and who I truly am. And with every conversation, every moment of advocacy for myself, I’m closing the gap.
So, to the keep-the-peacers, I write this letter to you as much as to myself: It’s okay to be vocal. It’s okay to defend your own heart as fiercely as you defend others. You don’t have to choose between peace and truth. You can have both.
And here’s the beauty in it: as you begin to find your voice, you’ll realize that the people who truly value you will want to hear it. Moreover, the people who need to hear it, who also need to speak up, who need to find their own voices, will also hear it. And, please know, the relationships worth keeping won’t shatter because you decided to defend yourself. If you have to remain silent to keep the peace, there is no peace to keep in the first place.
So, here’s to us — those who have spent a lifetime protecting others. It’s time we start protecting ourselves, too.
With love and solidarity,
Dominique
